“I’m at a restaurant and I ask the waiter for a nice wine to go with lobster. He suggests a German Auslese, which I am not familiar with. Its far too sweet, and I tell him that I don’t like the wine. He refuses to return the bottle. What do I do ?”

Hmmmm…a couple of things. First, when a waitperson suggests to pair a food with a wine, you are going on their recommendation. If they are trying to push a particular wine, regardless of its merit, then the problem rests with the food establishment. In this case, they were wrong and should assume responsibility for bottle. Next…whenever you are dining out, always ask for a taste of a wine, if it being poured by the glass. See if the description of the wait staff fits your idea of dry and fruity, soft or tannic.

Obviously an ultra sweet German dessert wine generally will not go with lobster…the staff should have known this. They made the wrong call and should take care to satisfy the customer. Period.

If they don’t , leave the remainder of the bottle, untouched, get a card from the manager, and write a simple, direct note of displeasure.

Restaurants don’t want to hear negative reports, so they should take care of the problem. If not…vote with your pocketbook and do not frequent the establishment.

“I’m at a restaurant and notice a Chateau Bonaventura 1996. It sounds great and I know the 96 vintage was a good one. So I order a bottle and, after a glass or two, find that the wine is really thin. I just don’t like it and I tell the sommelier that I don’t care for this wine. How should they respond to my request ?”

Well…the shoe is now on the other foot. You decided you wanted this wine…You did not ask for advice…and you consumed half of the bottle before you became enlightened that you did not like the wine. The problem is that there is nothing wrong with the wine, except your appreciation of the product.

A bad bottle of wine should be returned. A “corked” bottle of wine should be returned.

A wine you don’t particularly care for should be considered an investment in your education.

In this case the establishment is under no obligation to return or refund the cost of the wine. Sad but true.

“My wife and I are at a restaurant and she orders salmon and I order filet mignon. I request from the waitress a white wine (which my wife likes) which will go with both dishes. The waitress is mystified and can’t perform this feat. Do we go back to this place again ?”

Solution…I will answer the question with a question. Would you rather have the waitperson serve you one wine which will satisfy your wife but not complement your meal? Or vice versa ? The solution to this dilemma (a) a softer red, such as a pinot noir or a valpollicella which should pair with both meals , but it is red and your wife may not enjoy it or (b) ask for two glasses of wine, one red and one white, which will make everyone happy.

There are just some things which enhance a meal, and others which detract from the dinning experience. There are some people who drink Pepsi for breakfast, and chardonnay with steak. Ignorance is bliss !

….”I’m in a quandary. I drink a good bit of wine and I am convinced that there is no difference between a $10.00 bottle of wine and a $100.00 bottle. I find it absurd to pay more than $10.00 for any wine. If I did it would ruin my enjoyment if I knew I overpaid. Am I wrong in this assumption?”

Reply: We all have priorities in life. Spend a little on clothes but drive a nicer car. Eat at home all of the time but pay $5,000 for a week’s luxury vacation. Same with wine…While there are thousands of decent $10.00 wines on the market , they represent the “hot dog” variety on the food chain. There is a difference, a perceptible difference between a $10.00 Australian cabernet and a $100.00 Bordeaux. Until you do splurge and taste a truly great wine…you are likely to stay in a rut of mediocre wine…with no enological growth. If you like comic books….and never are exposed to Shakespeare or Dante….or think that “American Idol” is the best entertainment on the TV, then you are limiting your frame of reference.

I’m not suggesting that you go out and only drink expensive wines…Special wines should be for special occasions, like Wednesdays and Mondays ! What I am suggesting is that you not be stuck in a mindset of $10.00. Certainly in the $20.00 range there are superb wines which do make a difference. Put your comic book aside, set down your hot dog, turn off the TV…and relax with a really nice glass of wine. You deserve it.

Finally….“What is the etiquette on returning a bad bottle of wine to a retail shop ? I bought in on Saturday, opened it up Saturday night, and the wine was corked. I called the shop and told them I would be in Monday but got held up until the following Saturday. When I brought the wine back the guy behind the counter told me that he could not help me because the wine was too far gone. What should I do ? ”

First…anyone with a Liquor License in the State of Ohio may not accept returns on any alcoholic products after it has been opened. This means we may not accept a bad bottle from a customer and return it to our supplier for a refund. That’s the law….

The reality works something like this.

First…do you have an established rapport with your wine merchant? This is very important because it indicates a sense of credibility that you are not trying to “pull a fast one” and the merchant certainly does not wish to alienate a good customer.

Second…you did well to call immediately and set the merchant straight about the wine. The problem arises when half of the bottle has been consumed and you wait an additional week to bring it in. If the wine was not “off” initially, it certainly will be by the time the wine merchant has a chance to swirl and sniff.

What I do in a situation is to make an even exchange, no questions asked, if the customer is a reliable customer. If this kind of thing happens three times a month, every month, we have to put a stop to it, and politely refrain from doing the customer this courtesy. However, we generally can get our suppliers to give us a sample bottle to cover our costs in the whole transaction. Therefore, the customer is happy, the wine merchant is not out money and the distributor maintains a good relationship with all concerned.

It’s a healthy business proposition for everyone. But the key is the relationship…something that you just don’t get at CostCo or a grocery chain.